Take The Good With The Bad

"You're allowed to change your mind as many times as you like."

It's other people's minds I'd like to be able to change sometimes.

Mine generally stays the same. Work. Sleep. Coffee. Burton. Potter. Unrequited love. Same ol' shit.

They feel good and bad at the same time.

The inspiration to blog at 6am is a strange one. Leave it to Flaco to make that happen.

I said I wasn't going to talk about it.

Someone once told me that I suck at communicating my feelings and I'm unreadable. I agreed completely. It was never on purpose... just sort of happened. The last time I didn't tell someone how I felt, they hurt me really bad. So I've been working on that. The communicating thing. If I miss someone, love someone, hate someone, etc., I just tell them.

Well now that I'm communicating, said someone is becoming more and more distant. It's confusing, hurtful, and is pushing me back into my old ways.

I don't like this feeling. Not one bit.

Hopefully it helps me in other realms of my life cause this love thing ain't hittin.

Wompsidaisical. Made that up.

I haven't been writing and everytime I glance at my app, I feel bad. I just haven't had much inspiration.

I started a new job as manager at a salon/barbershop called The Social Club. I don't know how many followers or readers I actually have but if any of you are in Detroit, come see me there! I like this job far better than my last. Probably one of the best jobs I've had and will have. We're remodeling so I get to look up decor ideas all day. It's freakin awesome.

On the love front, still no action. Adam is... whatever. I don't want to talk about that.

I wish there were hot bearded men in Detroit. Hot, bearded, single, into tall black girls, with tattoos... or something.

Womp.

“For women who ...

“For women who are tied to the moon, love alone is not enough. We insist each day wrap it’s knuckles through our heart strings and pull. The lows. The joy. The poetry. We dance at the edge of a cliff, you have fallen off. So it goes. You will climb up again.
You rare girl, once again, you have a body that belongs to no lover, to no father, belongs to no one but you. Wear your sorrow like the lines on your palm. Like a shawl to keep you warm at night. Don’t mourn the love that is lost to you now. It is a book of poems whose meters worked their way into your pulse. Even if it has slipped from your hands, it will stay in your body.
You loved a man who treated you like absinthe, half poison and half god. He tried to sweeten you, to water you down. So you left. And now you have your heart all to yourself again. A heart like a stone cottage. Heart like a lover’s diary. Hope like an ocean.”

Letter From Anais Nin to Clementine von Radics

"If I Could I Would Give You The World.."

In a reflective talk today with my mom about my life and my feelings about myself, she said something that really stuck with me. "Loving yourself does not mean that you have to like everything about yourself. The things that you don't like about yourself, you can change." My mom had me when she was my age (24). She grew up not loving herself because of the actions of other people (family included). It wasn't until recently that she was even able to love herself and understand that she was worth being loved.

During our conversation, my mom brought a picture of her and her twin, my aunt Janine, into the room. After asking me which one was her (haha - she said she was the more "mature looking" of the two), she said that she wrote a letter to her self as a baby. In that letter, she spoke about how she let her down for not loving her enough. Not loving her in the way that she deserved to be loved. Not loving her in the way that all babies and all of God's children deserve to be loved. This spoke volumes to me so I went and pulled this picture up of myself.

The baby in that picture deserves to be loved. She deserves every GOOD thing this world has to offer. That baby though, is ME. I have to love her in the way that my mom and dad and stepdad love me. I have to love her MORE than that even. She deserves it & from this day forward, I will love her - unconditionally.

"...but all I can do, is just offer you my love."